


I need you more than I admit

by Thomasnewtminho29



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Justin is a good friend, Minor Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall, Zach needs a hug, Zach's a mess, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:02:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25495045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thomasnewtminho29/pseuds/Thomasnewtminho29
Summary: Justin Foley has a lot to worry about but right now Zach Dempsey is his main priority.
Relationships: Zach Dempsey & Justin Foley
Kudos: 33





	I need you more than I admit

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! So I'm supposed to be finishing my very late Zalex week prompts but I've been fixated on the Zach/Justin friendship recently and I'm super sad they didn't get more time together in season 4. There's obviously so much love between them so I wanted to just write something where Justin helps Zach because we all know that Zach was struggling this season and Alex was the only one who took even the slightest notice.
> 
> So here you go! An angsty (yet hopefully satisfying) look into what I think Justin and Zach's friendship is. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Justin Foley had a lot on his mind.

Firstly, there was the ongoing Bryce Walker/Monty De la Cruz issue, especially as Diego and Winston were just waiting for Justin or one of his friends to slip up. It felt like they were constantly walking on eggshells nowadays.

Secondly, his brother was in a psychiatric unit in the hospital after having a full-on breakdown. Justin felt that he should have seen it coming, Clay had been so jittery, so on edge for months now. Justin couldn’t help but feel guilty. He’d had his own problems, but he felt like he’d neglected Clay while he’d been taking care of himself after leaving rehab. Justin had messed up a bit, he hadn’t stayed clean, but he was trying so hard to get better for himself, for Matt and Lanie, and for Clay.

And then, one afternoon while he was in his history class, he got a text from Alex Standall. Justin frowned, hiding his phone under the desk so his teacher wouldn’t see. It was unusual for Alex to text him. It wasn’t like they’d been great friends since Justin had slept with Jessica when she was still with Alex.

**From Alex: Hey. I hate to ask, but I need your help… it’s about Zach.**

Justin’s stomach twisted. Zach was another friend he’d been worrying about. Over the last couple of months Justin had watched his best friend on a continuous downward spiral. Drinking, acting out, pretending not to care about his friends. Most people had given up on him, but Justin hadn’t, and he knew Alex hadn’t either. He typed a quick reply to Alex.

**To Alex: What’s happened?**

**From Alex: Haven’t you seen him today?! He’s been in ANOTHER fight. Black eye, bruises everywhere… whoever did this really messed him up.**

Before Justin had time to reply another text came in.

**From Alex: I just don’t know what to do anymore Justin. I love him, but he won’t talk to me properly. Please can you just try something. Anything.**

Justin bit his lip. If even Alex couldn’t get through to Zach, then he didn’t know if there was any hope that he’d be able to. He had to at least try though. This had gone on long enough. He couldn’t let another person he loved suffer.

**To Alex: I’ll try. He still doesn’t have a car, right?**

**From Alex: No, Clay totally wrote it off. He’s been getting lifts home with me and my Dad.**

**To Alex: Don’t give him a lift home tonight. I’m going to stage an intervention or some shit. Get him to tell me what the fuck’s going on.**

**From Alex: Thanks Justin, I mean it.**

Justin sighed and slipped his phone back into his pocket, pretending to listen to what his teacher was saying. Zach needed help and Justin hoped he could at least guide him in the right direction. He knew his best friend, the kind, thoughtful boy he’d known for 8 years was still there.

After school finished Justin sent Lanie a quick text asking how Clay was and letting her know that he wouldn’t be home until later. He felt a pang of guilt about abandoning his brother, but Clay had been sleeping for most of the last few days and in the odd moments he had been awake he’d just ignored Justin. He figured it was ok to leave Clay for a few hours, especially as what he was doing instead was pretty important.

He sat in the Prius watching as Zach limped out of school and sat on the steps looking fed up. Alex was right, it was obvious even from a distance that Zach had been beaten up pretty badly. Feeling even more determined to help his friend, Justin drove up to the front of the school and rolled the window down.

“Need a ride?” he called.

Zach looked up. “I think I’d rather walk” he replied.

Justin tried to pretend that didn’t hurt. “Walking home with your knee? Good luck with that.”

Zach scowled but he stood up and walked to the car, yanking open the door and flopping down into the passenger seat. “I’m guessing this is the reason Alex bailed on me” he muttered.

Justin shrugged, staring straight ahead as he drove out of the school gates. “I don’t know anything about Alex’s plans. Just thought you looked like you needed a lift.”

Zach didn’t reply. He just turned to look out of the window, his face blank.

They drove in silence for a few minutes and then Zach cleared his throat. “So… how’s Clay doing?” he asked awkwardly.

Justin tried to hide his surprise. He honestly hadn’t thought Zach cared. “About the same” he told him. “Not really talking to anyone. The Doctors think this has been building up for a long time.” He looked at Zach. “I’m just glad he’s getting help” he said pointedly. Zach didn’t react, and Justin sighed. “Do you still hate him?”

“No” Zach admitted. “I don’t hate him. But you have to understand that he actually left me to die. I get that he was in the middle of a breakdown and can’t remember anything, but you don’t know what it feels like to not be able to fucking move and then your _friend_ just walks away.”

Justin gripped the steering wheel tighter. When Clay had admitted that he’d been the one driving Zach’s car that night Justin had been horrified. He’d actually shouted at Clay for the first time in months. He could have lost his brother and his best friend. He couldn’t bear to think about it. “I understand” he told Zach. “I’m so sorry and I’m really glad you’re ok. Clay fucked up, but I truly believe he didn’t know what he was doing.”

Zach grunted, and Justin wasn’t sure if it was him agreeing or if he was pissed off. He decided not to ask. He turned left, following the road leading out of Evergreen, up to the viewpoint overlooking the town. Zach sat up straighter. “This is _not_ the way to my house” he said, annoyance in his voice.

“No” Justin agreed. “It’s not”.

Zach let his head thump back against the headrest. “What the fuck Justin?” he asked angrily. “Is this some sort of intervention?”

“That’s exactly what it is” Justin told him. “And I’m glad you realise you need one.”

“I don’t need a fucking intervention” Zach spat. “What I need is to be left alone.”

“Not happening” Justin said. He reached the viewpoint and parked the car, switching off the engine and turning to face Zach. “So, are you going to tell me what the fuck is going on with you?”

Zach sighed and folded his arms but didn’t make any move to leave the car which Justin thought was definitely progress. Justin let the silence settle for a couple of minutes before trying again. “Why don’t you start by telling me about this” he said, gesturing to Zach’s face.

Zach looked down and fiddled with the zip on his jacket. “I had a… disagreement with the football team. Specifically Diego” he said reluctantly.

“Why?”

Zach immediately became closed off again. “Is it really any of your business?”

Justin wasn’t angry, but he’d had enough. “Yeah I think it is actually” he said matter of factly. “I’m worried about you, like _seriously_ worried, Zach. And so is Alex.”

“But why?” Zach asked dully, and Justin couldn’t believe that his friend was even asking this question. “I’m a lost cause.”

“No, you’re not” Justin said desperately. “Look, Zach, you were there for me a lot last year. You got me back into football, part of the reason I got clean was because of you and how you’ve always supported me, no matter what. I- I love you and now it’s my turn to help you.”

Zach looked at him and Justin hated how surprised he looked, like he wasn’t expecting Justin to give a shit about him, like he forgot he had friends. “Ok” Zach said finally. “I told Diego that I killed Bryce.” He stared at Justin as if challenging him to say something, to tell him off. Justin kept his mouth shut, wanting to hear the whole story. He watched as Zach leant back in his seat, staring straight ahead and continued.

“When we had the drill at school, I was stuck with Winston and I thought I was going to die so I told him I beat up Bryce the night he died and that if I died, I needed someone to tell Mrs Walker that I was sorry.” He paused for a moment and Justin could see that he was fighting back tears. There was a lump in Justin’s throat.

“Winston asked if I’d killed Bryce and I said no” Zach continued, “but then he said that I must know who did and I realised I’d really fucked up. I guess he must have told Diego and he asked me to meet him at the docks, demanded I told him who killed Bryce. I couldn’t say it was Alex, I would _never_ do that. So, I said I’d lied, and it was me all along and then Diego just went for me.” He laughed hollowly. “The thing is, I don’t even care. I deserve it. Bryce _is_ dead because of me. If I hadn’t broken his leg, messed him up so badly. He wouldn’t have drowned when Alex pushed him. I see him every time I close my eyes, Justin! He’s haunting me, and I just want it to stop.”

Justin watched as Zach’s tears fell onto his jeans and his friend slumped forward, covering his face with his hands, his whole body shaking with the force of his sobs. Justin shuffled towards him, moving awkwardly so his arms were wrapped around Zach from the side and his chin rested on the top of the other boy’s head. The handbrake was digging into his back but he didn’t care, he just held Zach as tightly as he could.

It was a long time before Zach lifted his head and exhaled shakily, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. “Sorry” he said, his voice raspy.

“Don’t apologise” Justin told him. He shifted so one of his arms was thrown over Zach’s shoulders and he leant in so that the sides of their heads were touching. He was pleased when Zach didn’t move away from the contact. “You _did not_ kill Bryce” he said firmly, squeezing Zach’s shoulder. “He broke your fucking leg, Zach! You can’t be blamed for going after him and losing it.”

Zach shook his head. “I just can’t stop replaying it over and over” he admitted. He looked up and Justin’s heart broke at how young and sad his friend looked. “He was your best friend” Zach whispered.

Justin realised it was finally time to set the record straight. “No” he corrected. “ _You’re_ my best friend, and you always have been. I was too much of a coward to ever admit it. Bryce manipulated me, and played me, and pretty much made me feel like my life was worthless if I wasn’t his friend. You have always been there for me, you’ve always supported me. I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. Yeah, Bryce was my first ever friend and I have good memories with him, but he also ruined my life, and Jess’s, and yours, and I can’t forgive him for any of that.”

Zach looked at him in awe, like he couldn’t believe what Justin had just said. It struck him that they’d all been neglecting Zach over the last few months, just assuming he’d be ok when it was now obvious how much he’d been struggling. Justin thought back to the tapes, how Hannah had questioned whether, despite being a jock, Zach was lonely and unseen. Justin wondered now if maybe Zach was the loneliest of them all. He vowed to change that, he didn’t ever want Zach to feel alone again.

“Thanks” Zach said softly. “For caring, and being with me, even though I’ve been an asshole to you over the last few months. You- You’re my best friend too and I do love you. I hope you know that.”

This was probably the most open they’d been with each other in their entire friendship and Justin liked it, it felt refreshing. “We’ve all been assholes at some point” he smiled. “You’re forgiven.”

“I’m a mess” Zach told him. “The drinking, it’s got out of control.”

Justin nodded. “Well from experience I can’t force you to do anything. You’ve got to be willing to help yourself, but if you are I know of some AA meetings, and I’ll go with you if you want, for support.”

“Yeah” Zach said. “I think I’ll go to one, and I’d really like you to come with me.”

Justin squeezed him again and then let go, moving back to the driver’s seat. “I’m proud of you” he said. “Things are fucked up at the moment, like seriously fucked, but we’ve got each other so we’ll be ok.”

Zach smiled slightly. “When did you get so smart?”

Justin grinned. “I’ve always been smart, you just haven’t noticed. Want me to drop you back home?”

A blush spread over Zach’s cheeks. “Actually, can you drop me at Alex’s?”

Justin’s smile grew even wider. “Yeah, of course.”

When he pulled up outside Alex’s house, Zach was looking a lot more relaxed. “Thanks again” Zach said. “Seriously, I feel more myself than I have in a long time.”

Before Justin could reply, Zach hugged him. Justin hugged him back tightly and then pulled back, ruffling Zach’s hair. “Hey, you know I’m here anytime you need me, right?”

Zach nodded. “I’ll text you later” he promised. “And tell Clay I say hi.”

Zach got out of the car and Justin watched him limp up the steps to Alex’s front door. A few seconds later the door opened, and Alex appeared. The two boys stared at each other for a few seconds before Alex pulled Zach into a hug. Satisfied, Justin started the car. He needed to see Clay now, to check his brother was somewhat ok. He glanced in the rear-view mirror as he left, and saw Alex leading Zach into his house, an arm around his waist. He breathed a sigh of relief. There was a long way to go but his best friend would be alright for now. He needed Zach, and Zach needed him, and neither of them would ever be lonely again.


End file.
